look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
