Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
