yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
