I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
