im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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