You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
