This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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