i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone came in the potted fern
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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