its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize