lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
