A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
