Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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