Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
