then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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