Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
