So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
