He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
