How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize