apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
