I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
