she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
