is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
