what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
