you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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