I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
