it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
