This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
