i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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