My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
