My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
