I've blown a few things in my day
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
