So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
