went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
