If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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