Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
