i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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