You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
