i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
