This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
