You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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