fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will pee on everything he values.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
