I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
