i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
