I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
