How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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