he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
