I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
