I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
