I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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