youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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