I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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