you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
