i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
