oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
