just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
