you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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