I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
