can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
