Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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