i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
