did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
