Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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