Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
