I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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