if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
