she was so not down for the gang bang
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
