I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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