Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
