I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
