i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
