i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my being single is dangerous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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