i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
