Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
