areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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