but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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